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Lucky for Russell Crowe he was wearing that nifty souvenir "Cinderella Man" warm-up when he did the walk of shame in Lower Manhattan for about a hundred screaming photographers, including some hovering in helicopters. After a disappointing opening weekend, Ron Howard's terrific film -- with another great performance from Crowe -- could use a publicity boost.

(Then again, I'm a bigger fan of Jessica Alba's method of getting attention for the upcoming "Fantastic Four" movie. She forgot to wear a bra before she put on that see-through dress for the MTV Movie Awards last Sunday night. Seeing as she's playing the Invisible Girl, maybe she was wearing an Invisible Bra.)

According to Crowe's people, the Aussie temperpot lost his cool at the Mercer Hotel in New York when he couldn't get a call through to his wife around 4 a.m. Monday. The frustrated Crowe brought the phone down to the front desk and reportedly got so pissed off at the clerk that he hurled the phone against a wall. Crowe is charged with assault, as the clerk was allegedly struck by the phone and sustained a cut to the face. The actor claims the flying phone hit no one.

In any case, wow. Crowe must really enjoy talking with his wife on the phone. A lot of guys, if they're on the road and they can't get a call through to the wife at 4 in the morning -- they roll over and start snoring.

One thing, though about this story: There's no way Crowe's $3,000- a-night suite in one of the most upscale hotels in the world has only one phone. Between bedrooms and bathrooms and living rooms, I'd say he had a minimum of 10 telephones in his suite. So it couldn't be a problem with the actual telephone; it had to be a problem with the phone line.

And if that's the case, bringing a phone to the front desk makes about as much sense as hauling your television set to Comcast when the cable goes out.

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There was an odd passage in the the New York Times story on Crowe's arrest:

"The injured employee was identified as Nestor Estrada, 28, who lives in a building with a broken buzzer and peeling paint on Metropolitan Avenue in Greenpoint, Brooklyn."

Huh? What do those details about Estrada's apparent digs have to do with the charges against Crowe? I'm just about the last guy in the world to cry "media elite!" but there's something about that passage that seems a bit snooty and condescending, as if to say, "You know the type -- sounds like he's looking for a quick score in a civil case."

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When I had rotator cuff surgery a few years ago, the doctors prescribed Vicodin to ease the pain.

The Vicodin worked. Oh did it work. Not only did it dull the throbbing pain, but I'm quite sure it made me a better singer and slightly taller, and it improved my outlook on humanity in general. If you were around me and I was on the Vicodin, you might just get a hug and a marriage proposal.

I can understand how so many people have become addicted to it. There's something powerfully alluring about a pill that eases your physical suffering AND makes you feel all warm and safe and happy.

Yet doctors often prescribe Vicodin because it serves a useful purpose. It works.*

Although the medical research is inconclusive, many patients say the same thing about marijuana. It helps them. They swear by it.

Some cancer patients say marijuana eases their pain and helps control the nausea caused by chemotherapy. Some AIDS patients say it increases their disappearing appetites. Some glaucoma patients say marijuana, ingested orally or by smoking, eases the fluid pressure on the eye.

So these patients might get a little high as well. Like that doesn't happen with legal painkillers. I don't think all these people are all lying just so they can smoke a government-approved joint.

It's nuts, absolutely insane, that patients can take all sorts of other powerful drugs -- but marijuana is forbidden by the federal government.

You can't fault the Supreme Court for interpreting and ruling on existing laws. But as Justice John Paul Stevens suggested in writing the 6-3 decision, Congress could change the Federal Controlled Substances Act to allow for medicinal use of marijuana. It's the commonsense, humanitarian thing to do, and it wouldn't lead to the legalization of marijuana or the relaxation of our drug laws.

But if you're waiting for this Congress to take such action, don't hold your breath.

Just inhale.

*[I'm saying this really fast]: "WARNING: Vicodin can be habit- forming. You may develop a physical and psychological dependency. Common side effects include sedation, light-headedness, nausea, vomiting, anxiety, blood disorders, constipation, difficulty urinating, dizziness, itching, hearing loss, mood changes, allergic reactions, breathing irregularity and skin rashes. Test performed on closed track with professional driver."

Richard Roeper reviews movies on WBBM-Channel 2 every Friday at 6:40 a.m. and 6:15 p.m.